Category Archives: Internet

Lame Shoes That Guys Wear

Do you know how in any movie before the 1960′s every single man in the movie wears the same shoe? It’s because back in those days everyone understood that if you give people the right to make decisions, some people abuse the power. If you give people the right to wear whichever shoes they want, someday you might be taking a nice stroll around the block and look up to see a man twice your size crunching the leaves, shin deep into his UGG-boots. Here are our most convincing reasons to return to a standard plain black loafer for every man.

Crocs:

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It has recently come to my attention that camouflage Crocs are now for sale. If you wear camouflage Crocs, your wife should automatically have the legal right to take all of your money and run. There ought to be a doctor in every state whose full time job is to ensure that no man who wears camouflage Crocs is ever able to have kids.  It may seem extreme now, but if we let them reproduce, it won’t be long until we’re looking at Dawn of the Dead but with worse smells and more Nascar.

Too-Sharp Loafers:

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A man is actually supposed to wear this shoe. Seriously, this shoe was designed to be worn. I’m not one hundred percent sure how any man is supposed to force his foot into that shoe but I imagine it requires ma lot of grunting, squeezing, heavy breathing, and Valium. Wearing this shoe is the male equivalent of child birth.

Plastic Basketball Shoes:

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Do you remember like ten years ago when you had a pair of these and I was the kid that ate things that I found on the carpet? Do you remember how cool everyone thought you were in your slick red Nikes? Guess what? I would still rather eat something strange off the carpet than wear these shoes. Every time.

Birkenstocks:

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Birkenstocks are a favorite among hippies and the elderly because they are the only sandal so naturally hideous that wearing them with socks is actually no worse than wearing them without. You can sock up, slip on your Birkys and go out on the town with a friend who’s wearing them without any socks. You’ll both be responsible for a lot of indigestion in the innocent public, but neither more than the other. That’s science.

Color-Vomit High-Tops:

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I’m all for progress, really I am. I understand that Louis Vuitton is a very cutting edge company. I understand that it’s the kind of company that needs to be pushing the fringes of fashion in order to stay relevant. I just really don’t know if the world is ready for space boots yet. While I’m sure they look fabulous when coupled with a new Dolce & Gabanna jetpack or a new Gucci phase thruster, I’m willing to bet that they end up looking ridiculous with a pair of skinny jeans and a thirty dollar vintage plaid shirt.

Columbine Boots:

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Whether you’re planning to save Morpheus, fight the conformity at your high-school, or just piss off your grandma, these monsters have got your back. Just allow yourself twenty to thirty minutes to strap in and learn to walk without your ankles. Oh, and don’t forget your trench-coat. You wouldn’t want to look retarded. . .

Ugg Boots. . . For Men:

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I used to think that Australia was our ally. They have pretty girls, great beer, those funny little accents, and koala bears.  They gave us Steve Irwin for God’s sake! Then I found out about the UGG Australia men’s line. It seems that for some time now Australia has been secretly poisoning the men of our country with sheep skin and fleece. If you look carefully at the picture above, you can see that the boots are actually in the process of slowly pulling that man’s genitals back inside him. The process, I’ve heard, is irreversible.

Unconventional ways to fight flu

With flu season right around the corner, and swine flu season looming in the recent past, more and more worry about getting sick. but we came up with some of the best, albeit unconventional, ways to fight the flu. Don’t forget to read our visual history of flu pandemics blog post.

Steamy Fun

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Hot showers have been known to clear congestion and relax you. Helping greatly to fight flu symptoms.

Knuckle Pressing

Pressing keypads with your knuckles instead of finger tips to avoid germs on the bottoms of your hands which you use to touch things more

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The toilet paper layer

Layering the top of the toilet seat with toilet paper can go a long way in preventing the spread of germs.

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Purell It Up

A little hand sanitizer goes a long way towards fighting germs and preventing flu from spreading.
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The Side Talker

Side talking is an easy way to prevent the spread of germs. The technique is simple; avoid breathing directly into others faces and airborne germs and instantly reduced.

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Bump It

Bumping is not only way cooler than high fiving, but it also helps avoid the spread of germs from hand to hand contact.

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Sleeve It Up

Simply wearing long sleeves can help you avoid the flu.Be sure to use your shirt to open doors or touch germ laden items.

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More Resources
PandemicFlu.gov
9 tips to treat colds
Swine Flu & You
How To Survive Swine Flu
Swine Flu Tracker

Bush And Cheney: A Love Story For The Ages

President George W. Bush and Former V.P. Dick Cheney were a power couple that will be remember in future history books. Their relationship would forever change American history and the relationship between a President and a VP. Below is a special little video commemorating their love for each other.

Create your own at Robbins Brothers, The Engagement Ring Store

The George W. Bush and Dick Cheney love story officially began in 2000 when Cheney was asked by Bush to be his running mate in the 2000 U.S. Elections. Cheney had previously served under GW’s father, Bush senior as the secretary of defense and had been long time friend of his family. Cheney was definitely not a stranger to the White house or the Bush family. He was always a Bush man.

Bush’s choice for vice president came as a surprise to the public,  since Cheney had been serving as an adviser to the group looking for a VP running mate.  Cheney held the position as CEO of Haliburton, a private security firm during his appointment but later settled for $20 million retirement package to join Bush during the election. As history tells it, they would go on to win the 2000 US Election marking the start of an intense 8 year relationship.

On September, 11th, 2001 their relationship would face its first strain during one of Americas worst terrorist attacks. As security protocol dictates, the president must be separated from the vice president during any imminent threat. The two were separated for quite some time, and carried on a long distance relationship.  Cheney would actually stay out of public eye until morning of June 29, 2002, when Cheney served as Acting President of the United States under the terms of the 25th Amendment to the Constitution, while Bush was undergoing a colonoscopy. Cheney acted as President from 11:09 UTC that day until Bush resumed the powers of the presidency at 13:24 UTC.

Following 9/11, Cheney helped shape Bush’s approach to the “War on Terrorism”. He saw Bush was weak and someone else needed to wear the pants in this relationship. Despite contrary claims from The Pentagon, Cheney continued to assert a connection between Al-Qaeda and Iraq prior to the Iraq War in several public speeches. He also made numerous public statements regarding Iraq’s alleged weapons of mass destruction, and made repeated personal visits to CIA headquarters, where he questioned mid-level agency analysts on their WMD conclusions. Bush continued to support his man as the USA marched forward into Afghanistan and finally into Iraq.

Well we all know what happened in Iraq; no WMDs were found and Cheney pretty much made Bush look even more foolish than usual. He pushed for Bush to invade Iraq and helped lead the charge into the middle east. Some how in 2004, the Bush Cheney ticket won re-election and took their place back in the white house.

There second term together wasn’t as much as a honeymoon as the first term. A new book on Cheney by Washington Post reporter Barton Gellman reports that the vice president turned down a request from President Bush to take charge of the federal response to Hurricane Katrina, shortly after that devastating storm made landfall in August 2005. Recent comments by Cheney showed the relationship started to deteriorate around this point, during Bush’s second term he started to listen to less of his advice. With advice like that, it would seem that Cheney was out to hurt his man.

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In 2007, Cheney’s former chief of staff is convicted on for four felonies. He would go on to tell investigators that higher ups including Cheney authorized him to release information on Iraq’s weapons intelligence to the media.  Bush, had been in a controlling relationship and was being led around the entire time.  As we progressed in to 2009, the Bush Cheney relationship would begin its decline.

Cheney would go on to ask Bush for one last favor (after controlling him for years) and pardon is chief of staff who had been convicted of four felonies, Bush declined and this infuriated Cheney.  In recent press releases, he has begun to bash Bush in the media and slowly secrets of their private relationship are coming out. But these love birds will be remember forever.

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