Category Archives: Offbeat

You Might Be a Bridezilla If…

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Getting married is something every woman dreams of. Even men love the idea of finally having the right person by their side for life. As the old saying goes, only little boys and old men sneer at love.

Being in love is all well and good, but your wedding is only partly about love. Your wedding is a profound time in your life. It signifies that you’re entering a new stage of adulthood. By this point, your career is beginning to pick up and you’re deciding to make a serious commitment to someone. You’ve looked at Robbins Brothers engagement rings and rental properties together. Other than having children, getting married is traditionally one of the most adult things you can do. At your wedding, then, you should act like an adult and show off your most refined side. You shouldn’t just look graceful when you’re walking down the aisle. You need to genuinely be graceful.

You also have to keep in mind the logistical needs of a large group of people. As much as you might feel like your wedding is about you and your spouse-to-be only, it’s also about your friends and family. They’ve come a long way to see you. There are just some things you shouldn’t do. You might be a Bridezilla if you do any of the following:

You Act Like a Child


At your wedding, the presence of children is as forbidden as your newly minted husband stealing lusty glances at your bridesmaids. You want your guests to bring their children to the wedding so you can have adorable flower girls and ring bearers, but that’s it. The parents should take their young ones to a babysitter and come back themselves for the rest of the party.

While making your guests jump through hoops for your wedding is unavoidable, this degree of stress is uncalled for. While you can impose age limits if you want, it’ll only serve three purposes:

  • Alienating two generations of your friends and family
  • Adding stress to your life as you work to enforce your commandment
  • Making your big day less about creating a happy new world with the love of your life and more about being a little tin god

The sad fact about not allowing children into your wedding is that denying their kids means you’re denying the parents as well. When you allow them in, you embrace your inner adult. But when you reject the kids, you become just as childish as they are—perhaps even more so.

You Swear More Than Most Truckers


Watch this video from Bridezilla on WE TV to get a good impression of a swearing Bridezilla. Actually, maybe that’s a bad impression.

You have to admit, there’s a certain irony about a woman on what should be the happiest day of her life who seems absolutely miserable. There’s a really good litmus test to see if you’re swearing too much. Watch an entire episode of Ice Road Truckers, a show depicting a group of truck drivers who risk their lives by driving 30-ton trucks over a couple feet of ice in areas where the temperature gets down to -60 degrees. If you swear more in an hour than these men do, you’re being—well, something which needn’t be mentioned in polite conversation.

Long story short, watch your #@%*#$ mouth.

You Believe You’re Entitled


Okay, you need your bridesmaid to handle the flowers. Oh, and could she pick up your dress from the tailor’s shop on her way home from work? And could someone deal with that stupid caterer? If your friends always seem too busy to talk to you lately, it might be because you’re starting to treat them like slaves.

Yes, you’re getting married. Yes, your best friends and closest relatives should be more than willing to help you. No, they are not suddenly your entourage. No, they are not going to be able to drop everything and race to your aid if the chrysanthemums you ordered from the florist (all 2,000 of them) need to be picked up but you’re too busy getting your nails done.

You’re not entitled to gifts, either. If you don’t send thank you cards to your guests who were kind enough to give you something, you’re behaving badly. In the same vein, don’t throw a fit because you asked for blue towels and got green ones instead. Just return them, use them for your shade-blind guests, or re-gift them later on.

You know how to act. You also know that this is a time when you can get away with treating people badly. Just remember that the people who come to your wedding aren’t your enemies. These are people who actually care about you. So what does it say about you if you abuse them?

While William and Catherine may have been able to command people to aid them, they were also royalty. If you aren’t a queen, don’t start acting like one just because you’re about to get hitched.

In Conclusion

Your wedding has every right to be one of the happiest days of your life. However, if you’re too masochistic to let that happen, you can also turn into the monster that makes everyone wish you’d just run off and eloped instead. You may be able to rule the day with an iron fist, but think twice before you do. Do you really want to risk having people hold grudges against you? After all, when the day of your wedding ends, you won’t be the bride anymore.

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Ohio Woman Sprays Cops with Breast Milk

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It’s probably safe to assume that most straight men tend to like breasts. But, that’sbreasts, not breast milk. So, when a woman sprays breast milk on cops during an altercation, chances are they aren’t going to appreciate it. Ohio resident Stephanie Robinette learned this the hard way.

Robinette, 30, was arrested over the weekend after a domestic dispute, reports The Columbus Dispatch.

Police responded to the domestic dispute call at around 1 a.m. outside a banquet facility. When they arrived on scene, a man told him that he and his wife were in a dispute, and that she had locked herself into their car after striking him multiple times, according to The Columbus Dispatch.

Source: FindLaw.com

Actual News Headline Vs. Fox News Headlines

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Fox News cited each of these “actual news headlines” as their “source.” Fair and balanced. Yup.

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SOURCE: BuzzFeed.com

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Elderly Drivers VS Teen Drivers

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Whether you think older or younger drivers are safer on the road, you may want to read more to find out for yourself. The statistics are surprising: nearly double the number of men are involved in fatal accidents than women, and teens may not be the ones you need to watch behind the wheel. Here is a surprising look at driving-related fatality statistics.

Elderly Drivers VS Teen Drivers
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Teens Are Terrible Drivers: Here’s the Proof!

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As a rite of passage when you get your driver’s license, your parents are supposed to hate the way you drive. You may have many fond memories of drives with your parents where they spent the whole time shouting, “Watch where you’re going!” You probably contemplated for a moment taking them on the joy ride of your life, or just driving your car to its fiery death to save yourself from listening to the berating, but you just chalked it up to their insecurities and not trusting you.

Did you ever think it possible that maybe you didn’t know what you were doing? That maybe your parents were right to scream and yell, because you as a young person really were a bad driver? Well it turns out, you sucked at driving and your parents were right. Now relax and calm down, because if you are the parent of a kid who is on the cusp of getting a license then you want to tell them they suck and here is the proof:

1. Experience

You know the old saying “practice makes perfect?” That clearly applies to driving. There is nothing more valuable than having the experience of being behind the wheel and getting a taste of the way the rest of the world drives. Accidents don’t just happen because you are a bad driver, but rather because other people are bad drivers. Having seen the guy who cuts over three lanes to take a left, or the woman who puts on her signal for three and a half miles prior to her turn, are things a young driver has to adapt to while you and I already understand from experience.

2. Peer Pressure


Let’s not mince words: kids can be stupid. That’s right. If you have a kid then you know how stupid they can be. Only a kid would hear the suggestion “Hey dude, you should try driving with your butt cheeks” and think “Oh, that might be alright.” Adults don’t tend to give in to peer pressure. Rarely is one PTA mom saying to the other “Come on, you can beat that train! Gun it!” The older you get the less you care about what anyone else thinks and the more you concern yourself with not paying high insurance rates. Young kids listen to their friends. Adults don’t.

3. Underdeveloped Frontal Lobe

Here it is. Scientific proof that kids are in fact dumb enough to try to do 85mph on a side street at three in the afternoon, because they got the urge from a song that was blasting on the radio. It is said that the frontal lobe which is responsible for controlling decision making, risk taking, and emotion, is not fully developed until the age of 25. This means that you don’t have the necessary mental facilities to make best decisions at all times.

4. Distractions

No one is more easily distracted than a teenager. They are attracted to loud sounds and bright lights. You never hear an 85-year-old person say “Yeah, the accident sucked. I was trying to see which station was playing the new Eminem jam and I didn’t see the other car.” You rarely hear of an older driver who gets into a head-on collision because their cell phone was blowing up and they had to get that text. Everyone gets distracted, but younger drivers get distracted far more easily.

5. Invincibility

As a young person you rarely think anything bad is going to happen to you. Older drivers on the other hand understand that nothing is forever. A kid might think he can zoom past a car before it merges over, despite being 100 yards away, and never consider the consequences of being wrong. However, an older and more mature driver would patiently wait the extra seconds in order to live. Stupid mistakes like that can skyrocket a teen’s car insurance rate.

6. Boredom

It’s hard to think that a teen could get bored operating a 2,000-pound death machine but believe it. They have the attention span of a rabid dog, so when they are behind the wheel there is nothing that will keep their interest for too long. When you drive with a teen, count how many times while they are talking to you they turn their head completely to you. Happens all the time. It’s because once you engage them in conversation, driving begins to bore them and talking to you does not. Boredom is what leads kids to do things like throw wild parties and jump off garages. It’s also what leads them to not concern themselves with driving carefully.

7. You

You didn’t think you were going to get off the hook, did you? Kids absorb things like a sponge and they pick up your driving habits. Do you hold the wheel at ten and two? Chances are if you don’t then they won’t. Do you tend to be aggressive on the road? So will they. Kids learn from watching their parents do everything, so if you want them to be a great driver than you need to set a great example.

Conclusion:

The next time your teen’s behind the wheel and you see him fiddling with the radio stations, heading down the freeway, take a moment and think back to when you taught them to do it. Teens are bad drivers but they aren’t entirely to blame (although there is a lot of proof that they are).

Flees? Are They Worth It?

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Growing up on the bad side of town gave my dog-loving mother the perfect excuse to own a wide array of dogs. It was so bad, that if you had asked me or either one of my brothers what we thought mom would be getting us for a Christmas or upcoming birthday – we would have undoubtedly answered: a dog.

I am not sure if my mother was truly that concerned for our safety or if she was simply giving in to her exuberant compassion for dogs, but our three bedroom country house had become home to eleven dogs before she finally managed to bring her impulsive hording of canines under control. We certainly enjoyed each and every one of them, including the few, weirder looking ones. My mother, as it turned out, was beyond mainstream in her choice of dog breeds. Thereby, our breeds of dogs ranged from the massive Neapolitan Mastiff to a puny pug-chihuahua mix.

The point of this story, however, goes beyond wagging tails and wet kisses. During one of the hotter summers in recent history, we fell victim to an infestation of thousands of flees. They so thoroughly dug into our carpets that our socks would turn from white to black along one particularly flee-cozy area of our house.

Though my mother had a big heart and broad taste in dog breeds, she did not lack in the hygiene department. One by one, our dogs were shampooed and treated with Frontline, and the fleas eventually disappeared. Today, amazingly, my mother owns no pets and lives on the safer side of town. I, however, now own two labs that never skip on a Frontline plus dose! I still get the wagging tails and sloppy kisses without the fear of flee infestation.

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